I don't know what to do - I feel pretty useless. Today at the elders' home I was playing Connect 4 with one of the staff members. I realized that they need some recreation time as much as the elders - for their work is demanding and the days drone into one another.
I was having a casual conversation with her, in broken Tamil, and she seemed fascinated about Canada, my Sisters, how I'm not married. All of sudden, out of nowhere, she broke down into tears. She could no longer uphold the brave face she was trying to. Her husband gets drunk and beats her. She could barely talk, but when she could her story came out - she's been married since 15, now 39. Her two sons are married and though she loves them, they ignore the problem as they are scared of their Dad. She says she has no one else to live with. Fighting back my own tears, I asked her to stay at the Elders' Home which is run by a Nun.
She says she has been staying here since the beginning of February, and her husband has been searching for her. However she is miserable, as apparently all the staff are - because the Nun overworks them and verbally abuses them. All staff work 7 days of the week, and this lady wakes up early to cook all meals. Feeling hopeless, I suggested maybe enquiring to see if another cook could be hired for 8,000 rupees a month ($80 - the going rate). She was very pessimistic that the Nun would want to spend more of the money coming in from the elders, hinting at possible corruption. Might explain why Sister F doesn't seem too enthusiastic when the volunteers arrive.
Ofcourse the corruption accusations are based on just her words. I even questioned if she had an alternate motive in telling me all this. But I concluded, it is no doubt that she is a victim of severe domestic abuse, and she genuinely didn't ask for anything from me. Language barriers disallowed me to truly scope the situation.
I would appreciate any suggestions you have in working around this.
I'm taking this on as my mission to make this situation at least a little better. I felt hopeless, all I could do was hug her tightly, and source into the same river of tears.
It's heartbreaking because she works hard trying to help at the Elder's home and yet she is clearly in need of some help. This is a sad situation and I feel that the only help you can offer her is some emotional support. As you're a volunteer that will be there for a short period the chances of you sucessfully helping her in the long term are uncertain. Have you spoken to any of the other staff members, do they know of her situation and maybe they can help in some way?
ReplyDeleteHelen here, got the link to this from Su's twitter. Man, that is a horrible situation, I sort of agree with Surekha in that you can probably only really offer emotional support, unless there's any government programs/ domestic abuse safe houses you could look up that might help her? I don't even know. So sorry you're having to deal with this alone, my thoughts are with you and her, obviously.
ReplyDeletexxxx
Wowww that's really sad man. I wudve never expected that from a nun, shows that you can't really trust anyone. This is a hard situation, if you say something, they might cause her more harm when your gone. Are there other places around that might be better? Maybe she should try explaining the problems to her son and they could find her another elderly home? Things seem really messed up back home :S
ReplyDeleteRamiya,
ReplyDeletewhy don't you ask Janaka if their are any organizations in the area where she could get some help (a safe place to stay or some advice as to what she can do). I really don't know of any off the top of my head but i'll see what I can find online. But, seeing that you're only there for another 2 weeks you should give her emotional support and talk to her about what her thoughts and plans are. Even if you get her in a safe environment (just saying)unless she changes her mindset that only she can change things around she'll always feel helpless. Whatever her situation is just be there for her and talk to her about looking for help with other organizations etc.
I don't know if anything I said is doable but you're already doing something for her that no one else has done =)
If you really feel the need to do something for her then just get online and ask around to inquire about where she can go stay.
Keep me posted. Good Luck.
*hugs&kisses*
ahhh god that's so sick >_<
ReplyDeleteahm like the others said, try hooking her up with another agency? If nothing else maybe transfer to another elderly home further away so its harder to find her? Ask the guy/people running your volunteer operation, they should have a good idea of where she can go ... lol or sign her up with your organization as a volunteer...? O_O
I'm just spewing out ideas Im not sure ... sorry I can't be of more help =S.
That being said Im sure its a HUGE relief that you are there for her at all, it should make a big difference to her to know you're trying ... I just wish there was more could do to help ='(
I feel bad just leaving it at this but I honestly can't think of anything else atm ... take care of yourself and give her a hug from me as well T.T
-Aysha
Hi Rams. it is Daph acca. Sounds like you are confronted with a lot of deep stuff. Hope it isn't too heavy.
ReplyDeleteLove, Daph acca & Joost
(PS_ Good job you made the ransom point clear)
This is a dificult situation for many reason the first obvious one is that your there for a short period and you would need more time in order to make a successful change in her life. I agree with everyone that the first thing you can do is to support her emotionally and try to create hobbies (i know shes over worked and doesn't have time to do anything) that will keep her mind off of this situation.
ReplyDeleteAnother thing worth looking into would be how this organization gets funding and see if it is possible to appeal for more, also start a list of all the organizations that you feel need more funding and keep it with you. Who know you might be able to figure out ways to get additional funding for those organizations, I met an austrian doctor in India she was running an organization that wasn't funded by the indian government. What she did instead was travel outside (go back to Austria) and gets donations, she educates people or comapnies about her org and gets them to put out some. Shes been running it since 88' so that didn't seem like a bad idea.
The only criticism to her (Dr. Barbara) idea would be that the funding isn't coming within the country of the ngo but it is coming outside, what can help with trying for funding within is publicity but lets be honest who, in a developing country, will be willing to fund organizations that have some funding already. I guess that will also depend on the way you market the org.
Anywho, I don't know if this proves the be helpful but these were the ideas that popped into my head.
I don't mean this in the wrong way but when you explain your life back "home" to others, especially those that are obviously less fortunate try and keep it minimal, your probably doing this already but some you meet are in the unfortunate situation where there aren't many escapes or oppurtunites for a better life. I'm sorry, I hate myself for even saying it.
I love that your invovling yourself into these situations intstead of the opposite, your an amazing person and keep doing what you always do. Miss thee,